Saturday, November 3, 2012

Happy Fall - and I can't sleep!

Well, hello there!  It always takes me so long to write on this blog. I feel like I have little to share, and what I do have to share isn't nearly as thrilling as a Tom Clancy novel. But, whose life is really thrilling??? It's also 2:47am and I've checked the news, checked FB, Pinterest, listened to a book on tape and had to stop because I'm at a scary part and I am a chicken, read scriptures, rolled over several times, and am resigned to the fact that sleep is far from me. Why not update the blog?!

Reid is getting close to finishing a few more months of school and we are both EXTREMELY excited for a break. School is cool, but being out of school is the coolest! We actually see each other and live for a week like a normal family. Strange how things get so out of whack with school and weird work schedules and stress and yeah... Fall break can't come soon enough!

I'm working normal hours - still overnights, but only 36 hours a week. This has proven good and bad. I've always wanted to push myself to work more since I think,"I've got nothing else going on - why not work more?" Only, working more means I have no life, no friends, and no time to do things that would be fun. So I have decided to work a normal amount for a while. The only bad part is my sleep (or lack thereof) and inability to return to a life when the sun is up on my non-working days. This usually means I spend the first day off SO excited I'm not working for four days, that of course I can't just go home and sleep??! I should go shopping!

I then go to various shops and after about four hours, am so delirious and hangry, I move through the store in a zombie-like stupor, wondering if anyone would notice if I laid down on that really comfortable looking hardwood floor and took a nap. One would think after about a week or two or doing this, I would just go home and sleep that first day, but alas, it is hard to control that excitement! Once I finally get home, I catch a second wind, and stay awake for the rest of the night (if you're counting, this makes about 36+ hours of being awake).

Day 2 of being off is ugly. I go into a deep depression because I am overly tired, wishing I never had to step foot in that hospital again... I'm a real peach to be around, and, out of pure exhaustion and because the Lord knows I will probably go crazy if my brain doesn't shut off soon, I FINALLY fall asleep....and my depression is cured!
By the weekend, and Reid is home, I remember that life is good and I can be happy once more. One day I will figure out how to break this cycle...

Lovely days

Since the last posting, we moved to a new place! It is bigger, more affordable, and right next to an awesome walking path! I wish all our friends lived in this little neighborhood. It's the cutest. What isn't the cutest is the ridiculous HOA....but that's for another day. We now have two bedrooms and two baths, a single garage where Reid can do some car fixing, and space to move around.

Awww - welcome to Aurora!
I could walk all day down this awesome path.  
We also got a fun visit from Becki and Rich! It was awesome to talk and remember old times. We went to Wrigley Field and watched a great game. Reid dropped us off near the entrance and drove about a mile and a half away to park the car (we miss the $15 parking in downtown Colorado....i never thought I'd say that).
Becki and me
So, on the walk to the field, Reid was hit by a taxi as he tried crossing a street...poor guy. Thankfully, he is agile like a cat and simply did some roll/jump maneuver on the hood of the car without suffering too much damage. After somehow landing on his feet, he was tempted to raise his arms and say, "du-duh!" Reid said the driver and passengers were horrified since the driver was at fault, but it made for a great story. Getting a text from Reid that said, "LOL, I just got hit by a taxi," was both humorous and scary, but he is fine. He said he made a good sized dent in the hood. Better the hood than his skull.

We celebrated Halloween twice this year, and missed the actual day completely! We had a great time scaring the children at the ward's trunk-or-treat. The best was hearing little ones yell,"HOW CAN YOU SEE ME!" Apparently, the fabric on the eyes was dark enough that we could see out and few could see in. Now, I have these lovely costumes and they're taking up a good portion of the living room. They might become part of Goodwill's inventory soon.

Maybe I could hang them on the wall? 

Most recently, we decided to tackle the second bedroom. The debate has been making it a guest room or a craft room. Reid really wants a craft room. Hehe. Ok, maybe I really want one. So, anyone wanting to visit, you are still welcome! You just have to share it with the sewing machine and fabric. Currently, it is a disaster since I'm trying to paint the walls. I'm not sure when green and tan stripes have ever matched all that well, but we are wishing them a hearty farewell.

It doesn't look any better in person - trust me

And, an update on the lovely surgery. My tiny incisions didn't heal as smoothly as planned, and I had some oozing and yuckiness for a while. I thoroughly enjoy disgusting bodily fluids, so this was a pleasant time for me (I cringed and gagged almost daily). Eventually, they healed and the doctor wanted us to try naturally to get pregnant. Well, naturally didn't work. Then, to make matters worse, the doctor that performed the surgery decided to move to the city and focus on robotic surgery? Really? Didn't he understand we needed him?

So, we were back to square one.

I don't like being back to square one with this issue. Not only do we have a less-than-glamorous history of multiple miscarriages, infertility, PCOS, a rare liver disease, and we are getting, I get to add ovarian surgery to the list. It's hard to find an OB/GYN that's welcoming to such a "special" history. I thankfully had the opportunity to speak to a midwife at the hospital where I work and she gave us some ideas of what to do next.

We are meeting this week with a fertility specialist and hopefully figuring out the next steps. We have already gone the fertility specialist route and got plenty of testing done and chromosomes checked and poked and prodded, so we feel a little more prepared this time around.

I am realizing that I need to stay positive throughout the lengthy process and not get so easily discouraged. Reid and I have learned a lot and have really grown to love our lives. I look back a few years and realize that the process of waiting to become parents and hoping the day would just happen and we would be part of the "in-crowd", took away a lot of happiness that was available at that time. Yet, I longed so much for a different life that I couldn't enjoy the one we were living.

Even though moving here has been hard, it was a needed change from watching so many friends welcome their first, and second, and third, and fourth child. We miss everyone of them, and often think about moving back home and rekindling all those cherished friendships. But, being away has given us (probably more me) a break from feeling so broken. Granted, nearly all of our friends here have plenty of children, so we are still a little odd, but the move forced a lot of growth, and life is good. We are understanding more of why the Lord's timing is what it is, and I am grateful for the chance to sleep whenever I want, or walk around like a zombie for hours in a store.


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